That matter I kept.

Sunday, November 6

I guess I've been quite passive these days, didn't I? Can you feel the irony - when life is a lie and you're a liar? Excuse me, my fingers are shuffling on this rusty yet very soft keyboards. While my radio keeps interrupting me with strange tunes. I've been trying very hard to put a smile plaster each second, even in this such hardest term I was in. Surrounded by both negative and positive issues I had to bear with. Surrounded by friends, best friends and two-faced people I had to live with. No one could ever imagine what I feel, what I had to face. Bad things come, karma keep hunting back - when I actually should get ready for my war.

I'm entering the war zone in a few days. First off, I don't know if studying at the very last minute would work this time. And when I was busy staying up late to cover up my study, and getting up early morning to do something productive - something came up. I lost both of people I love most. I guess I just should have to learn to let go people easily and getting ready to accept the loss. Or else I'll end up seeing myself cover up on the bed with blanket and thinking the reason why people left me, which its seems like worthless.

I lied. Every words I said I was okay was totally just a lie. I help myself out to keep standing by my own without any help from others. I hide those tears. I often said to myself, "I am a wonderwoman." My ability to hide what reeks from within me is unexplainable. Y'know Hulk? I can be Hulk, except that I don't whack asses because that would be illegal and I don't want to end up in a juvenile school. And yes, from him, I learnt how to control my literally emotional problem. I meet the judges everyday, and I wish I could meet a showered ape in return. I feel like whacking, my patience capacity bar will burst out leaking.

But one thing I still could hold up until now, my secret weapon I still keep along with me ; that ambiguous words from loves.

Ezaa Amir :
Girl, I know you deserve better. I know you're stronger than this. Leave it all to Allah, okay? ♥ x

FN :
Aku tahu senyum kau. Aku tahu senyum kau yang satu ni. Kuat. Kalau kau pura-pura macamni cuma jalan kau untuk tunjuk yang kau kuat, teruskan. Kami semua ada, untuk kau.

Nadiahbs :
Her two strong words ; be strong.

Neddy : 
"I'll be there for you, these five words I swear to you"

Fatin Nabilah Rahman :
Bukan senang nk tgk ak post kt wall org.
Tapi sebab kau kawan - kuatlah. Sikit je lagi.

Dina :
He's not worth fighting for. He's not worth crying for. Not worth at all.

There, still a lot more. But one thing, thank you. Thanks for being supportive. I'll hold on them, forever.