I think, maybe

Thursday, September 27

Ph from my instagram.               .

I have felt increasingly lonely lately. But I’m not totally sad about it. I think I’d rather have this time to myself than do things for the sake of being seen going out, meeting new people, having fun. I’m content with staying home most nights. I like my own company. I think it’s a good thing that I do. On the other hand I feel like my heart isn't as open as it used to be. I don’t let just anyone in anymore and it pains me but I can’t shake that weariness off me. I am no longer this naive girl so many people may still see. I know I want to be that someone for someone but I can’t find the courage or the strength to pursue anyone anymore. I’m just not her anymore. Maybe it’s suppose to be like this for a while. And I will let it be this way for a while. I think one of the hardest things to have gone through is to have had people who just never can appreciate you. It just builds these walls around your heart so easily. Whether from a parent who abandoned you, a lover who left, a friend that taking advantage of your kindness. I think when you have so much love to offer someone and they play with it, that hurts. It hurts more than anything to happen to your little heart and I just can’t shake this feeling off for now. So I will let it rest upon me until some day in the future. I now know no feelings could possibly last forever.