Auckland, 161112. .
[listening to this whilst writing this entry thought I should share this]
After a few weeks off, I am finally can start my day wake up to the smell of my favorite intoxicating scented candles every morning, but /sigh/ it seemed like everyone was in such a shitty mood today. The weather was so fucky, all windy and freezing. Then for some reason everyone around me was beaming with gloomy auras and kept on having bad luck, including myself. My toaster broke, then I'm doing laundry helping my mom but end up ruining my life, I accidentally dropped my iPhone in the washing machine so voila, then Ad cancelled the plan that we're supposed to meet like two weeks ago? Ah damn. Cancelled plans are the reason I have trust issues. I mean does it annoy you as much as it annoys me when a friend gets a new friend and its like you don’t exist anymore? It just brought out the worst mood out of me, not to mention I'm on my period, and ladies, you know how I feel right?
As much as I love traveling and am stoked for this little adventure, I can't help but realizing how much I hate packing and unpacking stuffs and having sleep disturbance and loss of ability to concentrate. I'm not used to it yet. Jet lag. I think I'm swollen a bit. Because I'm jet lag I think I collapsed on bed. I normally can't sleep when I'm sensitive but I think I've been sleeping more than 12 hours minus waking up to pee and walking to the kitchen to find food lol. Visiting Auckland and Bali in a week is hell one of hectic trip I've ever been to. This long distance transmeridian trip is making me sick and I think I'm done. I'm just going to waste my 2012 staying in my room instead, I wished.
So I've been sleeping all day and went out to the park alone. Feeling all crappy like my thoughts all goes like intoxicated with the madness, I'm in love with my sadness. I feel all alone and lonely but I've come to my senses that I decided to cheer myself up by going to the park, seeing the kids playing at the playground, and fed the swans some bread. And just like that, I felt happy again. It reminded me of all the little random things when I was still kid that makes me happy and I thought I should share this post with you. Lately I've been thinking that I've been growing up too fast, I just feel like to stay like this, or going back to my old days when I'm still a kid. I mean, I don't know about you, but I feel like most people around me are so negative and are consistently complaining about this and that. I'm tired of being an adult and I'm hoping there's not going to be a day I'll become mature.
When I was younger I'd put my arms in my shirt and told people I lost my arms. I would restart the video game whenever I knew I was going to lose. Slept with all the stuffed animals as a child so none of them got offended. I had that one pen with 4 colors, and tried to push all the buttons at once. Poured soda into the cap and acting like I were taking shots. The hardest decision was choosing which Nintendo game to play. Waited behind a door to scare someone, then leaving because they're taking too long to come out or you had to pee. Faked being asleep, so I could be carried to bed. Used to think that the moon followed my car. Watching two drops of rain roll down window and pretending it was a race. Went on the computer just to use Paint. The only thing I had to take care of was a Tamagotchi. The only 'fake' friends I had were invisible ones. I used to sing in the shower. (Now? I make life decisions in there now). Swallowed a fruit seed I was scared to death that a tree was going to grow in my tummy. Getting a bruised knees heals better than a broken heart. Remember when we were kids and couldn't wait to grow up... what the hell were we thinking?
Well, I still watch raindrops have competitions and I still pretend to drink shots. I still pretend the moon is following me. I think I will never grow up at least mentally. Sometimes before I pour out a full glass of coke or whatever I’ll fill the glass like a fifth of the way and then stand in my kitchen pretending it’s whiskey or something. Then I’ll drink it down in one big gulp and make that grimacey face and pretend I’m thinking of some real deep tortured soul stuff. (I think I've been watching too much movies and dramas thats why)
Oh, the things I do alone in the kitchen could fill a blog.
What is my life.
I am actually normal at days but I'm a monster at nights.
I have issues with my own self.
I'm sorry.