/ Exhausting

I woke up,

To the sweating hands,

To the shaking body,

To the tears that I cant even control. 

I have been like this,

For the junking few years,

Its tiring, I swear its exhausting,

More than words I can put up to. 

How sick is it,

To woke up to the feeling,

Knowing that you’re nothing,

To everyone ― 

Even to the closest people you thought you had. 

And those flashbacks,

Ironically have more power

Than you couldnt even imagine. 

That took over me within any second. 

I swear I’m trying to head up,

But god damn I swear until when?

Now even a few puffs of roll up cant make me feel better. 
Now I can tell you, the time is near. 
And I’m smiling.