October 16, 2011.

Sunday, October 16

I've been called to the disciplinary room today, a few times to be exact. I don't know. I just feel bad at this times. When all the teachers are spreading their own kind of stories about me, a rumor. And yeah, those stories are totally some are false and some maybe true. Anyway, I just totally feel down right now when teachers are no longer talking to me in a nice way, like they did before. I dont know. I just dont know what else I should do.

I didnt do anything bad, at least. I just brought a phone. A fucking bloody hell phone that have nothing to do with my life. And suddenly, because of it, poof, all those what we called kepercayaan disappeared  just like that. The whole world feels like crashing down. And I feel terrible. I dont know what exactly I did wrong until I've been called to the room. And when I tried to back up myself, failed. Failed. And failed. There's nothing more I could do to help my own self. A completely failure - thats what I feel again at this moment.

I dont want to blame anyone now, I just. I dont know. I need a break. I really need a break from this. I'm tired to convince to all those people that I'm not that bad. I'm not that bad. Because I believed, that teachers are judging me from my past and not for who I am now. They just now my name, not my story. They have heard what I've done, not what I've been through. I can't stop them from judging me. Thats it. I believe that way.

I'm tired to be here. Its enough for me. I think its been enough. Thanks for everything, for those spirits you gave. Thanks for those hopes that you gave ; to see I'll be better. You didnt see it, dont you? You'll never see it. Thanks for blaming me, for piercing voice you gave. And yes, thanks for hugs you gave, I'll miss that. Thank you, Lovely Green Lady :')