Feeling better,

Sunday, December 11

This is a photo I took when I was still in my high school grades.

The notes I kept along with me, at the time I feel lost. I feel totally insecure. I told myself, "Bertahan. Sikit saja lagi." The thought of my-dramas-will going-to-an-end-when-SPM-is-over always comfort me. I feel relieved. But this time is different. The time when I've actually end up my high school, and now I am longer called as a school student, budak sekolah all these and thats, my dramas plot changed.

The climax is always there. I neither, don't understand with it. And now, to my surprise, my “thought attack disease” is back. Everything's popped out in my mind every second I go online on my social websites. The thought of why-my-patience-is-always-tested. The thought of is-this-what-karmas-mean. The thought of not-strong-enough-to-face-all-these-tests. Just, all the bad thoughts in my mind now, bugging inside out. Like seriously, God tests me a lot this time. I should realize how much He loves me, how much He wants me to realize about what life means.

Sometimes I feel like giving up. Gave up the fight, and moved on. But I was wrong.

So when it comes to tears-falling part, I would say to myself  "Amenda sial nangis dari tadi. Lembik". I talked to myself when nobody's there for me. I would sat at the corner, lying to myself, that everythings will get better tomorrow. I told myself, karma's not a bitch. I keep telling myself, these heart-ache moments will end soon. I keep reading Nadiah Baharum Shah's note, telling me to " wear your armour, I always be by your side. :-) " and also from Jiha Nasir's, "you are stronger than you think you could be sayang."

I'm just tired. With you, and everything else surround me. I'm tired and I'm nearly give up. And if you read this, I hope you bear in mind, I'm not going to fight anymore about all of these shits. Not to left behind, I hope karma will catch you back for what had you did to me, bitch. I'd enough with you. I'd enough being nice to you. Stop being slut, and calling me a slut, when you yourself acting like a slut and stalking a slut like me. Stupid bitch.

NOT funny.
*Reloads shotgun* Lets go huntem down.