His selfish machine,

Friday, December 30

"I’d never been someone’s first anything, unless you counted ‘mistake’."
— Jodi Picoult, Sing You Home.

Of all nights, it happened today. Double whammy.
Just had done with packing my stuffs up, thought of leaving the place and maybe will be staying in Terengganu for awhile. I need a little time to stay away from the 'world' that doesn't belong to me. A little space for me to breath. Someone had left me a note, that actually really knocked on my head real hard one this time (no joke). "Never use someone to move on." There, a really good one. That actually made me realize, I need to think back about what had I done, what I did.  About how I could break promises easily and eventually leave people after telling them I'll be there when they need me. 

My 2011 had ended really good with a lot of dramatic things happened to me. Not to forget about how I could easily make the feeling lose in just a few days and realize that the word love is not suit for me yet. Its just not the right time for me to have it all. And I just hoping that this time my heart will fall in love when I'm ready and not when I'm lonely. I wished, I could managed my complexity of heart-and-feeling really well after this. Controlling my playback iPod to not playing the song of Thousand Years and a few days later, the song changed to The One That Got Away. (I hope you could understand what I'm trying to explain).

"In another life, I would make you stay. So I don't have to say you were the one that got away/ The one that got away."
We separate our ways after promising each other that we will not never leave each other but yeah, we wished the different things. I left you behind, hoping you could live in your past. I don't regret to find you back, I'm just, a bit disappointed. We set each other free, hoping both of us could find our own happiness. 
Thank you God for letting him come to me. Thank you, you for coming. I know this 'forever' word can't seem to last anymore. I'm tired, I get exhausted already. And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, for being a failure all the time.