Oh, another word for I'm hurt,

Its quite hard for me to fight with my own self, my own feelings. This year alone, I almost turned off my feelings several times. But I failed most of it. I told myself to just let go the 'bad thoughts'. I can't help myself when I feel terribly insecure sometimes. I'm not longer tough, bold as you see now. The audacious look I bring all along this while seems worthless now.


I'm nothing now.


Ya Allah, when the world criticizes me a million times over Ya Allah, when the world keeps telling me hurtful things Ya Allah, when the world keeps pushing “ugly” at me. Give me the courage to hold firm to your Deen.  Ya Allah, as long as I am beautiful to you, nothing else matters. Ya Allah, even when everyone leaves my side, let me take comfort in the fact that You are closer to me than my jugular vein [50:16].

The weekend is here already. I should really done my packed-the-stuffs really soon. I don't know what else I should bring. Hm. So anyway, Christmas Day is near ! I'm not a Christian, I just like how lightly and jolly people can be during the season. Beautifully decorated houses and Christmas trees brings more delight into it.--From all the random wishes came into me, I've decided what would I love to receive for Christmas ;


1. A pair of Toms.
2. A varsity jacket.
3. A new decent iPhone 4 or an iPad will be fine.
4. A high cut sneakers.


But strong feeling, I wouldn't get 4 of them, maybe one or two? As always. BLAH.