End of the day.

Sunday, February 12

Own ph & editing by me.

I’m the girl who tries to be nice to everyone then gets taken advantage of. I’m the girl who tries to look pretty and it’s never good enough. I’m the girl who acts like she’s happy then goes home and wishes to be gone. I’m the girl who takes harsh words, act like they’re nothing, then goes home and cries. I’m the girl who tries to get her point across and could never find the right words. I’m the girl who has more depth to her than everyone thinks. I’m the girl who hides from the harsh eyes. I’m the girl who wouldn’t care if you gave me a shitty gift as long as you thought of me. I’m the girl who prays that someone will finally understand. I’m the girl who gets happy over the little things. I’m the girl that people misinterpret.

I sometimes hate being myself. There's a lot of reason why I became the person that I don't want to be. I'm scared to know the truth that I've changed a lot. I realized people eventually changed based on what they had been through. Either they became more stronger, even more better or they became worst. Insecurities rolling in, hands down. Insecurities dominates my brain in a way. A strange way because I keep my head high all the time (as if). I think I'm tired already to cope with my own self. I hate living in a figure that have such a huge ego and running urge of becoming someone who never want to listen anything good. I terribly feel ashamed of what I'm becoming, from a decent little child to a rude and hard-headed one. I blamed my past and environment when I grow up for creating someone like me today. 

I want to be someone different. A girl who is unpredictable, who reads and couldn't care less about what others think of her, the ones that does things out of the blue. I want to be, that girl. The kind of girl you've never met before. I want to amaze you. I want to amaze everyone, but what more can I do beside being myself? You can critize me all you want. I'm still here, whats the point? I have imperfections, we all does. I have my hidden flaws. Why are you interested to see me fall? I failed in a lot of things. I have weird ways of showing my misery. Sometimes I'd rather hide it as well. But if seeing me fall is the only way to feed your pleasures, patience is the only thing you need.