Holes inside,

Tuesday, March 6

 Own phs & editing by me.

I feel like I've been stuck in a certain places, and nothing's changed at all. I may have exaggerating my feelings right now, typing a word or two, but yet still, I failed in expressing what I actually feeling inside. That perfectly describes the bundle of mess that goes in and out of my head right now.

In uh-prok-suh-meyt-ly 15 days time, it'll be the day of my SPM result would be announced. Typically, all of us — the 94s will start our own journey in different paths and choices and of course, to start the things we want to achieve for our future. Future. I am too, guilty for making any wishes, any hopes to receive a slip with straight As printed on it. I'm getting confused with my own thoughts that have blended with my emotions. I'm afraid to see what's ahead of me —  precisely. I myself had acquired a cadaverous appearance; a shrinking manikin within my skin and steel-scale carapace, because of my things that played on my mind.

But that's not my point exactly.

Surprisingly, I can't think of anything I want to be after this. I mean, what course I'm going for, sort of that. I think my 2012 has started a bit rough. Oh maybe it's just only January & February 2012 that have been treating me a bit craggy, with all the breakups and the lets-get-back-together for the millionth times, and nasty family matters. It was one of the  hardest kick-off no doubt about it. The good and the bad that happened this earlier year, shall we say, made me stronger. The mistakes I regret making, happens to make me a whole lot wiser. And I believe I always do a little of growing up every time I do a little letting go. And maybe that's it. In spite of everything, maybe the one thing I know I have never failed to do is, growing up.

Looking on the bright side of this year, that I actually have to follow what my dad want me to further on,  which have been made me cried and thinking what the actual fak is happening? Being the typical me, I'll start to annoy my parents that I'm big enough to decide what I want for my future bla bla bla bla. But then since I still have to follow what my parents want me to further on, I'm only going to laying around on my bed waiting for this 22nd March result and ready to be called for any programme. That's it.

Next week there's going to be a family gathering since it's school holiday. Just told them that I'm feeling likely to spend our time in an island, I don't know. I miss the smell of the breeze, the sand. Barbecue at the beach,  seafood and the view of sea is really nice except that I hate snorkelling with a strange feeling that I might being attacked by a crowd of jellyfish. LOL whatever, cannot wait to meet my baby boy. Umh.

But nevertheless, good things will come to those who wait. At least that's what they say.

Oh well.