Be Alone,

Saturday, May 5

Phs taken from my instagram.                       .         

Took a few days off from the internet, no not really from the internet, I just often stucked on my Tumblr than any other social networks I have, so that's explained how I could still survive until today. I feel sorry somehow because I dont write a lot as much as I used to, and probably because I feel better when I'm all alone, just that. Well, I still have a lot to tell, but I dont find any right way to express it. Right now, I'm sleepwalking my Saturday away. Hiding under my blanket, celebrating my lazy day like a giant sloth I am. It feels good to be home, no kidding. My body still feeling aches, and its really killing me that I could really swallowed a tones of pain killer pills, but no, I'm not that insane yet. I still have a few weeks to spend in Terengganu, its really feels good to be here, with a warm breeze and beaches and fresh food. Really, there's no place like home. 

Anyway, I still need to see my physical therapist, well my dad has being a little over-protective towards me nowadays after the incident and its really sux you know. Well, my life have been changed for these past few months, literally I could never imagined that this going to happen this fast. I really thought that I could write like — things are going pretty well, but no, this harsh reality can be really hard to visualize. I've been through this before, but for the second time going through the same f-ing thing, I just think its really going to be hard one and right now all I could see through the reflection on the mirror is just a worn-out figure, without any feelings left in it anymore. The emotional impact from the incident is not that serious, its just I find myself at a loss to know how to cope with the flashbacks. But really, I'm getting better now. 

And thats really explained why I neglected my Twitter, and I don't updates as much as I used to. Well here's the thing, let me wrote something, something that I've learned and I thought it would be nice if I shared it with you guys. It doesn't matter from what type of family you came from, it doesn't matter how much time your life have been under public spotlight. Somehow, by having those social accounts, and attentions from a lot of people sometimes can make you happy, but have you ever thought that there's someone 'watching' what you do, did and does? I often updates my Twitter for where I am at, for what I am doing, for what I am eating, for who I am with, for what I am feeling, and thats ridiculous but thats me. Just everything, I had everything on that site until that one day a Rambo knife pointed to my neck. I swear to God that was the most terrifying thing I've ever faced. My hands were sweating, my lips was cold as I tried to recite my prayer. 

The last thing I remembered was when my hands were trembling and I couldn't even touched my phone screen to call dad. Right now, I am wondering when my life will get back to normal and fearful that it might not ever be the same again. I'm still suffering from nightmares and the pressure increases when I need to be alone to travel back home from Singapore or KL. But from what my dad does to me these days is just unacceptable. Sending me to see physical therapist every weekend, living in a apartment secured with a code locks every corner and the last day when I arrived the airport, I hate when my dad does that. He got me an escort from the plane, through security and everything. This big Arab dude, in a black suit and shades. I looked like a celebrity. He almost did it at Heathrow, too, because of his Gulf Air connections, but I managed to get out of that. It’s so annoying. 

But everything is getting better now. Alhamdulillah for that. 


So here's a video of me since 5 days ago I just submitted a contest just to try my luck and the winner is chosen by view counts during the entry period so help me to increase it, and just in case you wanna watch me when I am at a state of depression after gaining so much pounds for these six months. Here you go. Anyway, please help this adorable friend of mine, Annatasha Saifol and vote her for the Digi WWWOW Awards as blogger of the year! Click that photo below to vote her, go go!