/ People in my life.

Friday, March 28

Let's be honest. Have you ever haunted by the thought of things that might have been? A world of almosts and maybes. If you had called that boy who smiled at you. If you had forgiven your absent father. If you had called after your mother. If you had let him love you like you deserved. If... the what ifs. I always have that heavy thoughts. So often it have been a part of me, a trait in me. If I didn't get on that bus and went on the other. If I said hello to the man who caught my eyes and help them. If I could have made friends with all the hundreds of strangers I walk past every day. If I could have fallen in love with at least one of them. If I said no, or yes, or please stay, or let's leave it alone, or let's try, or let's give up. It's terrifying. It's terrifying how many ways it could go.

But you know what's more terrifying? When you started to cling onto someone to be happy and you become too attached to a person. I think maybe that's why dad told me to never become too attached to anyone. Attachment leads to expectations and expectations lead to disappointment. I have this serious problem where I just become attached to people I shouldnt. I distance myself from the people who matter. I am bad with people. I am good at being alone. But I hate being lonely.

Maybe because, growing up, I learned that I honestly just need someone to come into my life that really genuinely cares about me and wants to sit and have long conversations about things that actually matter and wants to go on adventures late at night and wants to be there for me at my lowest points and celebrate with me at my highest points and just be the rock that keeps me going when life gets rough. And I have this thing I always kept with me; when people walk away from you, let them go. You shouldn't have to talk them into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, and coming to see you… because if they really cared about you in the first place, they would not be going anywhere.

And you will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That’s why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.