Dearest one, I don’t know how you find your way here. I don’t know what leads you here. I don’t know what will keep you glued reading this until the end. What I’m saying is that I don’t know what you need, but I know that you need to figure out what you need. And that you deserve to figure out what you need. I also know, that you need to have someone to talk to. Go find someone to talk to. Go to the bookstore or the library and get every damn self-help book that speaks to you. Find the poet and the songwriters and authors who kindle in you a sense of hope and grace, and follow them. Go sit at the feet of people who are older and wiser than you — who have been through their own “dark night of the couch” — and beg them to share their intelligence with you. And please, please, please go outside. Take care of the poor little animal that is your body. (Think of your body as a cat or a dog that you adopted from a shelter, and give it the same love, nourishment, fresh air, and affection you would give to that animal — don’t leave the poor thing alone on the couch all day. Take it for a walk, and treat it with affection, not scorn).
There’s so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn’t need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander around the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without it. Live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn’t any less beautiful, I promise.
Don’t worry you’re not late... you’re very much on time. Someone is still single. Someone got married and “waited” ten years before having a child, there is another who had a baby within a year of marriage. Someone graduated at the age of 22, yet waited five years before securing a good job; and there is another who graduated at 27 and secured employment immediately. Someone became CEO at 25 and died at 50 while another became a CEO at 50 and lived to 90 years. You could be starting your diploma late but at least you have good people around you. God have His own plan for you and the least you could do is to put all your trust on Him because trust me, it will work out eventually. Don’t give up just yet. Don’t be that selfish prick who leave everything behind. You’ll thank me later.
Everyone works based on their “time zone”. People can have things worked out only according to their pace. Work in your “time zone”. Your colleagues, friends, younger ones might “seem” to go ahead of you. Don’t envy them, it’s their “time zone”. You are in yours! Hold on, be strong, and stay true to yourself. All things shall work together for your good. You’ll get there, I know you will. Go on, do your things, do things that actually make you want to go out of your bed every morning. Go create more from your imagination that make you jump off from your bed at 3 AM because something pop in your head and you couldn’t help yourself but to start jotting them down. Meet new people, listen to what they have in their mind. Listen what they have to say about the Neapolitan flavour, talk about how they cope with their cramped ideas inside their heads and look at how they tell you about what they love doing the most.
You’ll get there eventually, I know you will.
P/S: Things I wrote at midnight whenever I feel like past and future pressing so hard on me when I have no one to talk to, while having Wonderwall by Oasis blasting over my speaker. I’ll probably keep on reading this post until it resonates deeply in my head for me to accept the fact that it’s okay to do things on my own pace. It’s okay. It’s okay and I’ll be okay. Not tonight, but eventually.
You’ll get there eventually, I know you will.
P/S: Things I wrote at midnight whenever I feel like past and future pressing so hard on me when I have no one to talk to, while having Wonderwall by Oasis blasting over my speaker. I’ll probably keep on reading this post until it resonates deeply in my head for me to accept the fact that it’s okay to do things on my own pace. It’s okay. It’s okay and I’ll be okay. Not tonight, but eventually.