Take control, own me just for the night

Saturday, October 1

It was such a devastating and exhausting weekend ever. I dont know. My phone is not with me at this moment, and there's 4 weeks left before SPM. I guessed. My brain is now totally packed with all those hostel's and friends' matters which really knocked me on my head real hard. Everyone is being hypocrite at this moment, for being two-faced at this time is such a great thing to have. Like - seriously. Its funny how I can still live in such situation which is really at the most hardest zone ever I have to face.

But all is well, I'm still trying to keep my head in the game,staying positive. One of the hardest thing to do is to be optimistic when youre having an emotional time trying to cope with everything thats been going on. Its really hard. For seeing each of my friends are drifting apart. Its hurt, no one knows. For crying the whole night, alone like fuck. Thats hurt the most, when you got no one to talk to and you got no one to trust at the moment. Feeling all completely empty and nothing. So stop saying, "I know how you feel" when you're totally didnt feel anything and you could never feel what I feel at this time.You feel nothing because you only just know the story.

But yet I'm still trying to cope with my own self. For being a paranoid and acting like a slut for these past few days. Its just that everything seems crazy now.Even a tiny bit little remarks can make me weep. Its like the sudden trembling emotional turbulence you're having before your period. Like something inside me ripped and a totally different entity took over my whole being. That doesn't make any sense. I guess I've been bottling up whatever thing I feel for awhile now that i forgot it even existed.So its true what they say about "Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it." How did I turn out to be this depressing and emotional I wonder.

Sometimes I wish I can be an insensitive bitch who couldn't care less about everything and everyone. And you too.

Stupid hormones. I hate you