It's the fourth day of 2015, I have nothing much to say, just hoping that all of you leave your demons in the past and walk into this new year with a clean slate. This year has already brought me closer to my wish to meet new people, in a new place, for a long time. Somewhere I can start my life over and nobody knows who I am. Have new experiences. How wonderful it is to know I have such a good start this year? But looking back at 2014, I could still remember how it has been a rough battle for me. I feel like everyday is a mental battle where I ricochet madly between “I can do it” and “I can’t” from the moment I wake up to the moment I decide to lay my head down on my pillow again to sleep. But in the end, it always results in the same breakdown from stress and once I finish one assignment and take a deep sigh of temporary relief, I have to go on to the next one and the next one and the next one and I feel like I can’t breathe.
12 months in 2014 saw me walking away from so many people that I've lost count of. Do you ever just wish you could unmeet someone? Like maybe they were great up first, or even for awhile. But then they cause you so much pain and sadness that it wasn’t even worth the good times. So now they’re just stuck in your life, in your fucking thoughts. You want them out but nope, forever they’ll be part of you. That was the year about self-discovery, that was the year I have the time for me to be alone and for that, I am grateful for the time when I finally could understand why I am the way I am.
2015 is the year I stop caring whether the things I do/say will have people perceiving me any less than a person I know I am. 2015 will be a selfish year. My time and focus will be invested on me. On improving myself. I want to become a better person physically and mentally. I want to let go of my fears and learn to love myself. I hope 2015 will be a year of self discovery and learning. I want to be able to love and accept myself and be proud of who I am. This will be the year I'm going to spend all my weekends staying in instead of spending my time around people I'm not comfortable with. Just like what I'm up to, chilling at the Starbucks in Bangsar Village II, alone. I can’t leave this great spot, neither do I dare to leave my laptop sitting here, and
yet I keep sipping on my green tea, further filling up the capacity of
my bladder. Ah the things that you've to encounter when you are alone! I think today is doing pretty good, except that I still couldnt feel my legs from Bastille gig last night.
I have so much to write, but ah my bladder!
I will be back soon xx