A good one;

Sunday, March 1

/boom boom confetti/ 

Your favorite girl finally turns 21! Can you imagine? You know what I'm thinking right now? Just how many birthday posts I've posted before... how many whiny post about me every year getting old. Oh god. I can be such a cry baby sometimes (or maybe most of the time but oh well). But growing up, I realized my birthday is nothing but another day, another time that passed. This year, I'm staying in, lying in the bed for 10 hours on end, watching my favorite k-dramas while inhaling Domino's thin crust pizza, on my birthday. How's that sounds to you?

Have you heard of Paolo's; life moves very fast. It rushes from Heaven to Hell in a matter of seconds? I guess it makes sense how people are reminded that they don't have such an obligatory rule to be the same person they were 5 minutes ago. That is why I am convinced that people could be an angel from a demon and an angel to a demon in a snap second. But what I held up until now is that, one day you'll just be a memory to some people. Do your best to be a good one. It helps me a lot throughout the years to at least not be an asshole to everyone and of course, to not have so much expectations on people, chances and circumstances I was in. 

I have been stuck between of past and present, pressing me hard on both sides, it seems like my future part is not taking part in my life. It's awful though, just by thinking that life moves very fast, you couldnt have a slow-mo phase for you to make a proper plan about your own life. But lately, since I was having a lot of time on my own, I have been doing a lot of thinking about my visions of future.

In 5 years from now, I see myself spending my night in cramped apartment, completing my manuscript, juggling with photos project I need to submit on the next day. I see how hectic that would be, somewhere far from home, out from the usual air I'm breathing like now. I want that, I want to be there in the next 5 years, in Seoul, struggling with a new accent, blending in with people there and making use of the small streets they have. If I can't make it to Seoul, I'll make sure that I still end up out of this place. 

Maybe in the next 10 years, I will be around with my parents, living together in my dream house. That time, I should not be worried about my bills, my credit card spending and what to eat for dinner. I will have my own attic I stuffed my works and writings, attic with glassed-walls, overlooking the beach. I'll be 30 and my mom still would call out for me to eat dinner and my dad is still on his favorite couch, holding his never-missed-a-day newspaper. My other two rascals probably would fight about tickets coming back to home. 

A few years around, I probably have married someone who has a different favorite cereal than me so he wont eat all of mine. He's going to be my parent's favorite! At that time, everything should already be in its place. Minus the late nights diapers-changing thing, all the never-ending wailing of baby... I should be ready for that I guess. Just imagine, a little me? I can't even handle the grown-up version of me, how am I supposed to handle the little me...? 

On my 31th birthday, I wished I could still access all my old posts and who knows, might stumble across this, and smile at myself, how everything I had imagined of is finally gets in the right way. A mug of hot coffee at my side-bed table, typing another birthday post while looking at the love of my life lying on my tummy, I could hear the sound of my kids' laughs, their Tok Dad and Tok Mum's silhouettes running around, they are probably playing hide-and-seek. Or not... when they all ruffs into my room with my favorite cake with numbered candles on top. I'm 31 and I still have a birthday cake to cut and wishes to make, but what else should I wish? It's like everything is already complete that I dont even need anything to wish anymore except maybe, a longer time. 

Until then, I should living up the moment.