At peace with it,

Wednesday, June 24

You know all those times youve said to yourself that you’d love to just give up everything and build a cabin in the woods? Or maybe you said you’d sell your house and move to a shack on the beach, spending your days making a small living and just enjoying your freedom in the wild? Or sometimes you just want a small loft in the middle of the city enough for you to spend your tiring day, alone, but in content. Just one of your thoughts that makes you happy enough by just thinking of it. Because we all have been there, we all will pass that one phase, where we used to pray for so many fancy things. Now I ask to be near Him.

5 years ago I was a fucking mess and now I’m a fucking mess but at peace with it. I still am that clumsy girl who gets her schedule all over the place but still manage to settle her day alive. I never did well in school but now I’m doing what I love to do with a first. Here’s to everyone in school who didn’t believe in me, who constantly taunting me and left me hanging with all the algorithms homework because they think I can never make it through.

My life is a constant battle between “if it’s meant to be it will be” and “if you want it go get it”. But these days, I have taught myself a lot to fight for something you really want. I fought for a good spot in coffee shop because I taught I would do my work better there with all the sun rays and good spot to see the dessert on the bar. It doesn’t makes me feel good, but at least I didn’t feel sucky for letting someone else took that place. No, I’m not okay. But I haven’t been okay since I was 11, maybe 12. I am still here though. I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, that will have to be enough.

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.