Monday, December 28

Today, Tok Mak has left us, on 27/12/15 afternoon at 1:01PM. As I’m writing this hesitantly thinking that this would be my very last post, the smell of freshly brewed coffee is enough to prick me and here I am munching the last bits of my hot donuts, my first meal of the day. I could say that this could be the most depressing New Year’s Eve, ever. I tend to get super excited about future plans, what 2016 has in store for me. The thought of a brand new start with the beginning of a new year leaves me optimistic. But not anymore. As the last few days to the new year rolls around, my excitement dissipates and all I want to do is to be in someone else’s arms. 

The past 360 has been great, if I could make it simpler, ‘‘great’’ is enough to describe about the pain and joy I have to endure throughout the year. People never fails to remind me that you’ll get there if you try hard enough. But truth is, where is there? Because realistically speaking, no matter how much I fervently wish that I could go beyond this realm of mediocrity, it will never happen. There will always be a ceiling above me. I simply cannot become what I was never meant to be. 

These days I’m letting God handle all things above me.

This year I learnt a lot about myself, how am I capable enough to let go of people I love and also to distance myself from the human-version of headaches. I don’t think I am excited enough to think about what awaits me at the next door, but I’m all ready for what He has planned for me. I have come to this state where I don’t bother writing a long list of hopes and fears so I’ll just leave a mental note of praying to be granted strength to get through another year with new people and new exciting things xx

Al-Fatihah to whom I dearly missed who have left me this year, I know you are in a good place now.