Friday, January 1

It’s about half an hour to the new year and here I am jotting down everything I could from the balcony, overlooking the neighbourhood filled with twinkle lights and fireworks. I could see the steam coming from my hot coffee I had to make one, just to keep myself warm. This will be the last time, as I ash off my last cigarette and puff the smoke... burning off all the memories and pains I could ever had throughout the 2015. To wrap up 2015, I’ll let myself drown in the moments of the lowest lows and the highest highs I had.

Where do I see myself at the end of 2016? I am putting all hopes I’ve been holding onto, to let myself indulge in the love itself. I promised myself to burn all the bridges to light up my way to see new people. By new people, I am not anymore talking about new friends, but new person to get through the wall I’ve built all these while. I’m leaving my first pain behind, and that person in 2015. I want to love more, I have no energy anymore to get tangled in the mess I made myself. I have no energy left to mourn over my long-lost love that have left me for the past six years. I am more than this and I know my worth. So here’s to a new episode of butterflies running inside giddily and all late nights coy games of waiting for a text that made me feels like 16 again. Here’s to a new day where I put myself at the most vulnerable stage just to start over. Here’s to the new exciting of page 1/366.

2016 will see me lumping for good grades to settle off my diploma. God knows how much pains I have to endure to get to this level today. I just want to see myself smiling brightly side by side my parents, while holding the graduation mortarboards and a Vice Chancellor Award sash. That’s it. If you are still reading this while all the fireworks are bombing outside your place, take a moment to pray for my good health, for me to be surrounded by good friends and for Allah to ease my ways that I’m heading to. 

I’m looking up for 2016 to be filled with endless loves and lovely people around, and hope you are having a great one xx