As I’m writing this, I had to squint my eyes just to see all the details on the screen. I know this would sound so stupid but I just wailed for the past hours when I found out my new scarf just got stolen by some random idiot. Sucks when I just decided to do my laundry on my own, for the first time. I guess I have the baddest luck when it comes to doing laundry. God knows how hard I have been trying to keep all my shits together for the past few days just to get to tomorrow. I don’t know whether I should get flattered or just humbly accepted the fact that my favourite lecturer just send my name for a public speaking competition because she believes in me more than anyone else in the class. Please, please don’t make yourself look stupid tomorrow. Ah the mantras I have been mumbling these days.
I’d rather stay inside than being out tonight just puffing from a fresh pack and nothing to look forward to. Good thing is that, I met a guy. How do I describe him? He’s like, he’s one in a million, I could say that, I don't know when I'll be seeing someone like him again. Not that he has such a good figure and that tall and good-looking. No, he’s just, different (well at least I see him differently). It’s my fault for seeing something in him that no one has ever seen before.
I guess that’s my weakness. I get attached too easily. It’s the best trait in me, but it’s my worst weakness too. That’s why, that’s why I think I’m hard to love. It’s because I love too hard. Or is it because I am too much for a person to deserve me? I think you will always be too much of something for someone; too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. And if you decide to round out your edges, you lose your edge. It’s not who you are anymore. So for now, I’ll just be here, waiting for you to decide. To take me with you, or to just to put me back where I originally belong to.
I mean, you don’t make my heart flutter for no reason. You don’t stand in front of my class door and peek through that small window and make that face. That face and that sneakily smiling eyes... god. How do this guy finds his way back to me just when I decided to move on to other things. Like those nights when it just popped in my head that he’s just like another guy, and then the next day, there is him, brushing his arm at me for random talks. How do I handle this one crack-head seriously, you tell me? For all the time that I always think of him but I never let him know because I have this feeling that he is doing just fine without me anyway, silly.
I guess I’ll hang around a little while, since I don’t feel like being somewhere else. I guess I wouldn’t mind to fall in love a little bit. The thing about him is that, he has most of things I want in a person. He looks hard at the outside, and mean (when I say mean, he is really a mean guy). It’s not love at the first sight, it’s more like hate at the first sight. I can’t put into words of how much I don’t want to see his face at the faculty at the first place, but now, look at me. That face is what my eyes has been searching for all day. Funny where this has take me.